Anxieties have a schedule

My anxiety has had a pattern of flaring up at the start of each week recently. Is it the looming feeling of failure I’m going to feel as the days pass and I still feel like I haven’t done anything right or productive? Yes most definitely.

Yesterday and the day before I got to spend time with my family in the sunshine and that made things better. I didn’t have to think once about the looming responsibilities or worries I had.
I’m really worried about money, I’m worried about starting my masters next week, I’m worried about making new friends, I’m worried that I’m not good enough for the new journey I’m about to begin, I’m worried that I put a note on the neighbours car window over the weekend to ask them to stop parking opposite our driveway and now they’re going to think I’m snotty (when I’m not I just couldn’t bloody swing my car into the driveway anymore and it was highly annoying), I’m worried about my lack of motivation and if that will continue forever, I’m worried that I’m losing myself.
That is just to name a few things I’m worrying about, the list is endless. I mean I could include how I’m worrying about certain world events which I am always, constantly. I’m worrying about the American elections in November for goodness sake!

Typing this out always helps, but I also feel myself on the edge of tears as I name each worry. I meditate pretty much everyday in the morning and it is not helping me with these worries. I thought meditation was a way of letting go of those the negative feelings, you’re meant to keep hold of that relaxed feeling throughout your day but I can’t!

As I talk about this more and more my mind whirls with thoughts, vision is foggy, can’t move, I can feel it in my stomach. I know it’s just a moment in time and it will pass, I know it’s just a moment in time and it will pass, I know it’s just a moment in time and it will pass.